Personal Note - Status Ultimo January

I have been writing facts, cold and hard facts, about my Psychologist and doctors visits. About medication, about tools, about research. I haven't been writing much about how I feel, and how I am otherwise doing. Physical facts: Well, my wight is climbing. I am now at 51,4 kg. That's a huge progress from the 47,4 that I was looking at 14 days ago. I still feel cold, but well, there's mother nature facts too, it's cold outside, so that's only natural. I trow up sometimes still, not by choice, but I guess that the weight climbing is a good fact. I...

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Third Visit to the Psy - remember your condition!

My third visit to the Psychologist started with me being totally stressed out - even before the meeting. A little something like car trouble made me stress out so badly, that I was shaking all over. I got there in time, but I was shaking all over my body. It took some time to get me to relaxed, and I didn't feel the connection with the Psychologist in the beginning at the session, as I used to. I guess all my "defenses" got in position and closed me down for some time. My Psychologist however, was able to work me through that (of course). So...

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Research: Psycopath, Narcissist, Empathy Disorder

At the second session, my Psychologist told me, that I look inside for a solution to whatever happened. I give myself the fault of everything that has happened to me, and that's first of not healthy - secondly he told me - and under stressed that - It is not my fault that another person is treating me badly...

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Second Visit to the Psychologist - Understanding

My emotions is totally closed, but my Psychologist feels, that I am fortunately starting to open up just a little bit, and that is what he needs - so that he can get "inside" and work with the feelings. I am getting some "tools", as he call it, to use for different situations, which I'll describe later. He told me, I have been through a lot, so of course there was a lot of shit running around in my head. He wondered though, what was the main thought(s), that was bothering me right now. My main issue was and is surrounding the fact, that I was...

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Medication regulation and eating

After my first session with the Psychologist, the agreement was to get my medication checked with my personal doc. I didn't really care, only if they would serve me a doc Kevakian treatment. if I could just get out the "easy way", that would be great. But I fight for the sake of my children. I went to my personal doctor, accompanied by my friend and neighbor: Rie. First priority was to get my medication regulated: I now get the following medication: 1. Sertralin Hexal. That is the drug, that makes the signal between the braincells working. I...

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First Visit to the Psychologist - I'm Too Closed

My Psychologist... I liked him right away, there was definitely no bad chemistry there. This first appointment was naturally a summarize - an overview of  what had happened. The Miscarriage, the loss of the baby, and shortly about the bad stuff surrounding that. The massive blood loss, the overwhelming amount of the mass, that came out of me. The death of the father of my children, the feeling of being the only parent left. And the final "stroke", what brought me into the crisis phase: my boyfriend leaving me like that! Then the problems,...

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Christmas and New Years Evening

December was hell for me. Jingle bells, lights, happiness - fuck it. I just wanted to die. For my children, I wished to had a positive view of things, but I couldn't at all. I did not care. I wanted to die. Everywhere I went (when I was outside, and that was not often) it was happiness all over - parents/couples being together with their children. I didn't have that - I didn't even understand why I didn't have that. I was left without explanation. Already in November I was prepared for Christmas, I had huge plans -the first gifts was already bought. Then...

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