Covid followed by energy crisis

I had a busy but none the less great summer, hope that goes for all of you.

With all the changes going on in the writers team, great changes I might add, I had a lot of stuff to process in my mind. Especially what purpose I want for my blog, where should it all lead to.

While swimming in the lake, it came to me, that I have already told you about my situation, how hard it can be to fight depression, anxiety and PTSD (PTSS).

My first purpose has already been fulfilled. I have told many examples of how it feels to wear these shoes, with the aim to tell everyone with the same feelings, that's it is okay to feel like this, that it's sickness that in many many cases can be helped and that everyone feeling like this should seek professional help.

I needed somewhat a new goal to pursue, and came to the conclusion that I want to share all my self taught methods to cope to get thru different situations.

Covid has already brought many people down on their knees mentally. 

Now we are going thru a huge energy crisis, which means many families struggle with their financial situation, and speculation thereof can lead to stress, sleepless nights and not to mention anxiety and depression.

I find many people have reached their limit. Many are still exhausted by Covid and the fact we couldn't go anywhere, we couldn't live our lifes in the normal way. 

And now we are facing the financial situation, scared of the next bill for heat, electricity and transportation, and as a result there of, many don't dare to spend money on anything. So we still do not travel, we still don't spend money eating out, going to the movies etc. The lack of hope to see anything positive happen in the future continues, this time its just caused by different circumstances.

So...

What better way to use my bad experiences, than to try to help other people get thru sadness, disappointments, lack of hope, and in worst case anxiety and depression(?)

So from here on, that'll be my goal. I'll still tell stuff from my life, but at the same time focus more about how to cope.

Until next time; take care.

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Gravity

I have had a serious down time period. 

No matter how hard I struggle, I simply couldn't get up long time enough to get a properly grasp of the edge. 

We had a meeting with a real estate agent a week ago, and he started talking. At one point, the agent asked me a question, and when I looked at him, I realized;  I didn't understand, what he was saying!

I could hear him talking, but the words didn't make sense.

The panic attack probably came very naturally right there. My anxiety attacks are more frequent and feels worse, than usual. Last night it was from around 19 to 03. I felt the urge to run into the field and just scream, until I exhausted myself. I felt the desire to  smashing something with a sledgehammer (it's unfamiliar territory for me to be so aggressive!)

I guess after working like a maniac for weeks powered by enthusiasm, the balloon suddenly stopped raising, punctured and felt the power of gravity. Like Newton said: 

I have a hard time getting up and out of bed these days. There's no desire.

I try to say to myself that I have all the options. 

What do I feel like doing? 

I have no idea!!! 

I do not know what I want to do! 

Some days I think, the only way I can get out of bed is to turn liquid and start dripping on the floor. 

Photo from:

pexels

Photographer:

Andrea Piacquadio

Quote by:

Netizen Quotes

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The feeling of enthusiasm

I'm fascinated of how much the feeling of enthusiasm means to me. I can't remember, last time I felt like this.

I now wake up on the morning and can't wait to start the day, I go to sleep in the evening looking forward to the next day.

What a diffence, huh?

What changed?

Well, for many years I have been attached to a writes group called CC Team. This group protected me, my privacy, and made sure, I had all ressources nessesary to be able to just write. 

I met with the person responsible at least once a year, and she made certain, that I had all the help, that I needed to be able to focus on writing - I have designers for pictures, help to go thru my mail, help to design the blog etc.

That has been nice, but I also felt a bit disconnented to the rest of the group. But all this security also meant  that my contact to other people in the group was very limited.

This person, my primary contact, has stepped down now, she needs to focus on her own job, which ofcourse is understandable.

I was a bit nervous for a while: what would happen now?

I worried for nothing, which is usually the case:-)

To shorten a long story, CC Team got a new president, and with her, I got the chance to be a part of the designers team for not only my own blog, but for netizenquotes as well!!! How about that :-)

I can't tell you how much It means to me; the feeling to be able to make something useful during the day. To focus on something else, than just being mentally challenged.

This gives me such an energy, I can't wait to get up in the morning to start my day. I teach myself to use graphic design software, and if I get stuck or have questions, I jump on Skype and discuss the challenge with other designers from the team. And, surprise to me, they see me as a totally normal person and treat me as such.

I'm not an educated designer, I stumble along the way, and they are not afraid to tell me :-)

They give me a LOT of tips, they critisize my work in a positive way when needed, we have a lot of laughs, and despite we are several hundred miles from each other  it feels like I am working a job in any other office.

This contact on daily basis, the opportunity to work with other people, the chance of writing something else than just depressive stuff, the possibility to make quotes, people around the world might find useful, the fact that someone believes in me and my ability to do more than just write about sad stuff... This has made me grow. 

Don't get me wrong, I was very thankful for the team before, but this new president made me grow in a way, that I didn't think was an option. She is a bit protective, or so I thought at first, however talking to the other team members, I actually found out: it's not only towards me. She protects every one of us.

I'm SO excited about this, and I can't even begin to tell you, how much this enthusiastic feeling means to me and the quality of my life.

I'm worth something! My work matters! 

I hope you all will be able to find somebody out there to inspire you, to believe in you and make you feel enthusiastic about life again.

Until next time: take care :-)

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I lost my passion

I had no longer any passion, no desire to do anything. 

I'm sorry, you haven't heard from me, but I felt like "what's the point, I have nothing useful to share anyway"

When I started something new, I didn't have the energi to focus on finishing the task. I didn't really care about anything any more, didn't even bother to take care of myself. Forgot to take my medication - well, forgot is not really true. Truth is I didn't bother to mix it for a week, and didn't have the desire or energy to mix it in my medication box. Didn't even have the desire to brush my teeth or take a shower.

At some point on my way, I lost myself, and I didn't know, what to do. I couldn't even manage to find a movie on TV, that could make me focus to the end.

All I could bring myself to do, was finding as much energy to be positive and sound energetic, when the kids called. After such a phonecall, I was drained, I felt even more lost afterwards.

Geez, I didn't know what to do. Should I pay a visit to the doctor? Nah, what would be the point!

Then one day out of the blue, we got a new owner, and our new boss gave me a call. 

She was inspiring. She sounded so bubbling with enery, had so many ideas and such a drive, sort of like the energizer bunny! She was very happy about my work, and further more she had a lot of new ideas.

It was such an inspiring phonecall, I can't believe, what she was able to do do for me, she twisted all my drained thoughts around and gave me - not only hope - but desire, passion and furthermore the will to go on.

Wow, what a personality!

So I'm sorry to you all, but I have been to the dark side, and now I feel on the fast track back to life.

We're having daily conversations, I feel like I am able to talk with her, as if I'd known her all my life. If I tell her about something bad happening, she is always able to twist it into something better, give me energy, inspiration and drive.

I hope you all will find a person like that.

I need to go, to start the washing machine, take a shower and clean the house. I'm so energetic. But I'll get back to you soon.

Take care out there.

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