Physical symptoms of psychological sickness

I have had difficulties with breathing the last months. It has changed for the worse.

Before I felt like I didn't get enough oxygen, now I can only take small breaths, otherwise I feel a stinging pain. And since I don't have a knife planted into my chest, it must be caused by something else

.

I think it's the feeling of being trapped. 

I feel my situation is getting worse and worse, there's no hope.

I keep telling myself there's hope, but each time I think theres a solution, it just end up worse, than before. 

I was hoping to get at job, now I'm apparently diagnosed with dementia! Without even knowing it.
And NO, it's not that I don't remember the diagnose, cause my fiance goes with me to the doctor each and every time, and he never heard it either.

I need to  haven found it yet. Somehow I'm still blinded and can't see, that hope is out there. It must be...

I try to focus on a visit to my daughter in the beginning of next month.
One day she suddenly called me up crying, she couldn't remember fathers voice. I found all the videos, but we haven't seen them yet.
She's got a huge wish to see the old videos, to see her father and hear his voice. And that wish I'll definitely honor.
My son is also going with us, and we pick up my mom on the way, so I count a full tank of gasoline to make the trip. Around 90-100 Euro. My son's birthday is in the same month, so... That problem again huh(?)

Well...

It'll be very spare, very spare, but I am determined to find the money.
Otherwise I'm out of stuff I can sell. Well, I could sell the car, but that also means no family trips, cause the other only has 2 seats. 

I'm looking at the walls, and I have 4 big frames with Claude Monet posters. I don't know if they are worth anything, but I'll check it out. Maybe that's my way out of March.

And.... Perhaps my daughter can find the time to color my brows, and my mom can cut my hair, then I save some money there. I really, really need a haircut, and I know that mom ofcourse does not cut as a hairdresser. But just taking a bit of the longest ends would help a great deal, I think. A step away from the hobo style.

But even the thoughts of a family day is a bit worrying. I really need to put on something, that doesn't make my kids look briefly at each other in that strange way, as they have done the last times.
I wish it was summertime. I rarely wear dresses in general, so I have 2 that's almost not worn before. But we haven't got the temperature for that right now.
I'll figure out something. For now I simply have to get my breathing under control.