A New Year - With No New Hope

A new year has arrived, with all its usual empty promises of everything getting better. I don't believe in that crap anymore, it's not going to get better.

My christmas was ruined by the authorities, cause I seem to get more doctors appointments, than I ever got before. I dont know what kind of diagnose, they are looking for.
My doctor has written several times, that I need to get early retirement, and I need to be left in peace and quiet - NOT to be hunted by a government who uses every trick in the book to let you stay on the lowest income at all.
It's not only very frustrating, its undermining my financial situation and thereby its gets more difficult to take initiative to do anything that I might be able to do.
I dunno why sick people has the lowest income possible. People out of work get much better financial help - but out of work AND sick - you are apparently worth nothing. "Leave no man behind" - doesn't really apply here!
Several doctors costs money from your own pocket, they are not paid by the state. When you need to go somewhere for surgery for instance, you ask someone else drive you. My BF has taken time off from work many days, to stay with me at the hospital - everybody does that - so it's certainly not easy to make enough money for a family, if there's a sick person in the household.
SO as it turned out, it was just an empty promise from the state, that this last examination would be the last - nope. Now they want a... Actually I don't know what the hell they want!

Up until that meeting, I was SO looking forward to Christmas. My children were coming home, my daughter has met a wonderful young man, who also wanted to meet us and stay with us for a couple of days - that was wonderful.
But with the meeting and demands from the public service, it all felt like having a huge shadow hanging over me. Like I never was really happy.
It WAS a great christmas, and we had a great new years eve with neighbors - but it was a new years eve with no actual hope for the future.

I can for sure say, that I'm trying to find just a glimpse of a light here in the darkness, trying to get a hint to how to get out of this situation, thinking there must be hope somewhere. But right now I can see anything!