Anxiety

Is it possible to learn to live with anxiety?

Depression

How do you get out of bed, when depression hits?

PTSD PTSS

Suffering from PTSS?

Insomnia

Troubles sleeping?

Total Mental Breakdown

All of them? Total Mental Breakdown

Blood pressure skyrocketing

Photo by: emagineart

Saturday evening didn't went as I expected. I didn't feel good, and as time went by, I felt worse and worse. So no piano for me, and all the rest of my plans for that evening went down the sewer.
I felt like my inner engine was driving too fast, and my brain was frying. My body felt, like it wanted to run the marathon, but my brain was overworked and wanted to sleep.

The staff kept taking my blood pressure, which was skyrocketing, and its still very high.... 

Yesterday evening it was 196 over something - my pulse is normal.

I was, and still am, wondering, if this is sideeffects from the medication, or if theres something more to it. It will be almost hilarious, if this turns out to be a depression caused by a physical problem, and they treat me with pills that is supposed to work for a psychological problem.

The doc has been to see me, and I am going to the heart specialists today to get some equipment on, that will measure my bloodpressure throughout 24 hours.

I have absolutely no energy or desire to do anything, I feel SO tired, that its hard even to write this post.
Well, I'll see what they figure out...

Christmas Is Here With All Its (?) Joy (?)

I'm staying with friends to avoid to be alone - but after a couple of months here I found myself in a bad place - again.
With all its bad stuff like a pounding heart, trouble to breathe, scared of everything, depressed like I don't know what.
The feeling of being alone is worst on the holidays. I look at the couple's smiling at each other, holding hands and buying Christmas presents for the children together.
I can't get thru that my stomach turns into a knot and I feel like womitting from the hurt inside.
I snuggle up in my blankets and pillows, pretending I don't exist.

No sleep makes a breakdown even worse

I haven't been able to sleep since the night until Sunday.
I can't remember ever once doing that. Skipping 2 nights of sleep!
Im definately so tired, that I hope I can :-)

2015 Arrived With All Its Challenges...

- and again there has been several down rides. The ups has been short. I never saw the summer - I was just laying in my sofa getting more weak for each day - sad but true.I couldn't shop, so for a long time I just bought food from the pizza bar, that delivers. However the taste of pizza is not compelling after eating it each day. After a while, with pizza boxes piling up (I couldn't even go to my garbage can - too scared to do it) I asked "friends" for help. Well the result from that was they took my money, and didn't get back with groceries. One "friend" even emptied my card - thank you very much!!! So I found myself in a very very bad place, with no one to trust.